The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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