That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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