If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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