At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
