He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
