so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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