I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Shame - the story of my life.
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