He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
