I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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