There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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