i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
there's paper in my vomit.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
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