Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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