I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Man, jail baloney is awful.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
