She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
