margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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