i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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