five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
