So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
