I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
