Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
