just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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