I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
