I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
