The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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