I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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