I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
