I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I touched a dick in church today
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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