you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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