Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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