just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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