Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
