I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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