Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
please come you make the beer taste better
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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