he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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