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• (585): View more from New York

  This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?

  (516): View more from New York

  one can only hope.

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• (701): View more from North Dakota

  The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.

  (406): View more from Montana

  And we all know God doesn't like sinners.

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Amen.

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• (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts

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• (850): View more from Florida

  You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".

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• (516): View more from New York

  he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board

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• (954): View more from Florida

  I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.

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• (310): View more from California

  You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected

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• (903): View more from Texas

  EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT

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• (318): View more from Louisiana

  What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies

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• (604): View more from British Columbia

  It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.

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• (662): View more from Mississippi

  The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance

  (1-662): View more from Mississippi

  Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest

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• (309): View more from Illinois

  Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.

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• (706): View more from Georgia

  I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.

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