Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
