remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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