paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
