theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I know her cup size but not her name....
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
