let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
