I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
