All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize