This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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