I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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