my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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