Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
