Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
