Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
