You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Can I color on your dick again?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
