Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Randomize
