Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
