Did you just see the Batmobile???
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
