i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
