you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
