So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
