It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
