If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
