I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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