I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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