She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
