that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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