What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
