That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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