there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
we're so committed to being not committed
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
