I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
