why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
