We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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