He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
