I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
my poor anus
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Randomize
