I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize