i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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