YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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