I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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